Tag Archives: steak

Florida in the Storm

And so to Florida for work, lovingly known as the California of the East, specifically Orlando. And hopefully not again for sometime. Orlando is as charmless as your mum’s boyfriend and 8% more joyless than wartime Warsaw. Orlando is what happens when you have excess of land and no imagination. Mile after mile of chain […]

Gay Paris

What people don’t know about the French is that they’re almost as perverted and degenerate as the Germans. (Can you guess who rank below even the Germans? Eskimos. Their nipples are always, always hard. Dirty fiends.) French glamour is tinged with depravity and the knowledge that they are 99% sure to be up for that […]

Garufin

Think Argentinian food and you think steak. And nothing else. My image of all Argentinians is they have steak juice with their morning steak; they mount their steakcycles, zoom off to the steak factory where they rail over their failure to possess the sheep infested Falkland Islands. That’s their biggest gripe about the Falklands. It’s […]

I’m Back: The Del Montemoon: Part C: Cartagena

The final leg of our mammoth trip was a week in Cartagena trying to find the big emerald from Romancing the Stone. It’s never made clear in the film that this is discovered by Jack T Colton. Sure, he owns a dirty great yacht and he’s wearing crocodile skin boots. But he could have inherited […]

I’m Back: The Del Montemoon: Part 1: Bogotá

Say it loud! I’m back and I’m proud! That’s right Del Monte-lovers. Your intrepid correspondant has returned from honeymoon complete with sunburn, swimsuit-chafing, excess of piña colada and awesome Spañish putos. Three weeks, that’s a lot of food to report on so I’m going to spread the good stuff over three entries. Deal with it. Coño. […]

Taste of London

I managed to fit in Taste of London (http://london.tastefestivals.com/) last weekend and what a bizarre, wonderful event it was. Imagine a trade show / retail exhibition / Bestival without the bands and only the snooty tents and you probably have it. A gazillion restaurants, food suppliers and booze pushers were there, and clamouring for attention […]

Umlouts

The more astute among you (and therefore more sexually attractive) will have divined that your virile correspondant is on the cusp of marital coupling to the future Mrs Del Monte. She has indeed rendered all other females obselete, so bad luck ladies. Stand aside Nicki Minja. Back off Nicole from the 90’s Renault adverts. Get […]