Tag Archives: ritz

Happy Fudging Valentine’s Day Suckers!

I own Valentine’s Day. Mrs Del Monte never knows what’s hit her (note: Not me!). Flowers? Tick! Chocolates? Tick! Card? Tick! Stifling flatulence that one day a year? Maybe next year. Tall order, you’ll agree. Because I’m so great, I’d decided this year to allow you, cherished reader, to benefit from my munificence. By which […]


If food is the currency of love (and it is) then Mrs Del Monte has earned herself an affair with a really hot guy (Hugh Grant) or two affairs with average guys (Ant then Dec). Not only did she mark my Birthday with a surprise trip to Lisbon last week, she took me out to […]