Tag Archives: burger

Cry Me A Rivington

The problem with the Rivington Grill (http://www.rivingtongrill.co.uk/) (or RG as I call it) is the location. It’s mired in the stinking East End besieged by fleets of hipster douches with their Amish beards and artisan skateboards but far too edgy to actually go inside. No they’d prefer to suck on organic quinoa from the back […]

Alba Grill

It’s not all the Ritz and Carluccios for Charlie you know. In order to complete this quest I sometimes have to go south of the river, the East End, and North London. These are the terms of my quest by which I must abide, but hopefully I’ll never have to go to Croydon or Watford. […]

Riviera Bistro

Riviera Bistro Riviera Bistro is the sort of place that I could become positively evangelical about. I could go on about supporting local trade and foregoing franchise restaurants. But if you want that fart-sniffing Guardianista crap then go and read the Telegraph or whatever. I’m here for hard truth, excoriating wit and helpful directions. But […]


The Bbar is (http://www.bbarlondon.com/) not very South African. It’s a little South African. It’s more South African than me, but not by much. It’s a little more South African than Patsy Kensit in Lethal Weapon 2. It doesn’t claim to be very South African, which is lucky because it’s not. If there were South African […]

We’re Guaning Bana(nas). I’m tired OK

Curse you The Carribbean. Not only am I not there, sunning myself on a sun-kissed beach sipping on a cocktail with scantily clad maidens Mrs Del Monte hurrying to fulfil my every sordid whim but there are so many tossing islands with populations of 8 but somehow they managed to hoodwink the UN into making […]

The Maple Leaf

It would be very easy to slate The Maple Leaf (http://www.themapleleaflondon.co.uk/) for serving average bar fare in somewhat artifical surroundings whilst having to endure the overbearing volume of the football commentary. I did that, but lost the text when Sandra, 19 from Croydon, emailed me saying she urgently needed me to take her virginity. I’m […]

Burgering It Up

[I have not travelled to L.A., no Vishnu has not smiled on me. However, my collaborator Knockers is there right now and has visited a favourite haunt of ours. So over to her. But remember who the daddy is. I’m not above murder.] When I’m on Death Row for dissolving Barry Scott in a vat […]


There are plenty of places that claim to have the best burgers in town, which is a claim as tiresome as it is ubiquitous. Burgers can be revalatory but for me it’s about context: Home made, in a back garden over the BBQ, nothing is better. Sweaty in a joyless restaurant; or worse, Sunday in […]