I bet you thought I was quitting didn’t you? I bet you thought: “That Charlie Del Monte, yes he’s brainy and dead clever and has an ass that simply refuses to quit, but now he’s started being a dad, his amazing blog that basically saved the internet is all but finished.” First off, stop objectifying […]

[As if to underline quick how slack I’ve been at blogging of late, as if to prefigure a 2015 of failure, Knockers gets in there right quick and blogs like it cool. This doesn’t mean that she’s better than me. Rather, this alone doesn’t mean that she’s better than me.] A few years ago, Uncle […]

Happy fudging New Years to you all and especially my most excellent wife, Mrs Del Monte to you and the incredible little person she emitted, Vengeance.

2014 has been a mixed year for Charlie. On the downside Rik Mayall died and The Colbert Report came to an end, which are both major bummers. On the upside I’ve eaten a lot of delicious food and was featured in the Evening Standard and a few other online venues for generally being awesome. I’ve […]

I can’t express my gratitude to you, my adoring readers. Well I suppose I can. I just won’t. Maybe a classic Del Monte selfie will do the trick!

You can now all breath easy. The Del Monte legacy remains divinely protected due to the arrival of my progeny: Vengeance Del Monte. She burst onto the scene in a crossfire hurricane, guns blazing, and she’s already kicking ass and taking names. Cross her at your peril and pray for a benevolent reign for when […]

Like German food and my love-making, Dutch food can be really rather good if unheralded. If I concentrate and try to recall lyrics from Michael Bublé songs I can keep going for virtually minutes. Bitterballen are the quintessential Dutch food: Deep fried, cheesy and moreish. Only partly like my love-making. They also do unconvincing hot […]

The problem with the Rivington Grill (http://www.rivingtongrill.co.uk/) (or RG as I call it) is the location. It’s mired in the stinking East End besieged by fleets of hipster douches with their Amish beards and artisan skateboards but far too edgy to actually go inside. No they’d prefer to suck on organic quinoa from the back […]

And so to Florida for work, lovingly known as the California of the East, specifically Orlando. And hopefully not again for sometime. Orlando is as charmless as your mum’s boyfriend and 8% more joyless than wartime Warsaw. Orlando is what happens when you have excess of land and no imagination. Mile after mile of chain […]

It’s not all the Ritz and Carluccios for Charlie you know. In order to complete this quest I sometimes have to go south of the river, the East End, and North London. These are the terms of my quest by which I must abide, but hopefully I’ll never have to go to Croydon or Watford. […]