Category Italy

What news from Genoa?

Off to Italy for the weekend because I’m so fudging international. It’s something we Britishers can do on a whim for virtually nothing if you plan months in advance and go Ryanair from Southend airport at 3 o’clock in the morning. And for a Britisher, I bear out a surprising number of sterotypically Italian traits: […]

Say it loud: I’m back and I’m proud!

You think you know who your friends are. You lavish them with your wisdom, witticisms and aesthetic qualities (everyone knows I’m a stone cold milf*) and how do they pay you back? They slack off. Well, I’ll remember this Knockers. I have to travel for a few days and what do you do? You don’t […]

Happy Fudging Valentine’s Day Suckers!

I own Valentine’s Day. Mrs Del Monte never knows what’s hit her (note: Not me!). Flowers? Tick! Chocolates? Tick! Card? Tick! Stifling flatulence that one day a year? Maybe next year. Tall order, you’ll agree. Because I’m so great, I’d decided this year to allow you, cherished reader, to benefit from my munificence. By which […]

Cry Me A River Cafe

We (me, Mrs Del Monte, Dangles, Mancake, Mama Del Monte and Endeavour Del Monte (a.k.a. Pops)) held our annual board meeting at the River Cafe ( where we reviewed the accounts, talked promotion (my sister Dangles still angling for the promotion to Son) and plotted the downfall of the Del Muntes those toxic bottom-feeding, mouth-breathing […]

Take Another Little Pizza My Heart

I often ask waitresses about the House Pink, follow it up with a genital-based pun and then we can get on with the order. With the good Lady Monte in tow my off-colour innuendo is beginning to seem inappropriate, but I can’t stop myself. Tits. I managed to button it down for a trip to […]

Gourmet Pizza

Talk about your low hanging fruit. Italian food – check! Pizza in fact. Prepare to be amazed. Went with the future Mrs Del Monte and her certifiable mates to Gourmet Pizza – great location. ( It’s in Gabriel’s Wharf on the South Bank which is the sort of place I pass in summer when walking […]