Category London

Mugi

People know me to be quite tough. I have a bit of a reputation. Let’s just say tramps don’t want to mess with me in GTA V because I’m quite handy with a golf club. And Nazis/innocent bystanders don’t mess with me in Call of Duty. And Princess Peach doesn’t mess with me in Mario […]

Nordic Bakery

I bet you thought I was quitting didn’t you? I bet you thought: “That Charlie Del Monte, yes he’s brainy and dead clever and has an ass that simply refuses to quit, but now he’s started being a dad, his amazing blog that basically saved the internet is all but finished.” First off, stop objectifying […]

De Hems Dutch Cafe Bar

Like German food and my love-making, Dutch food can be really rather good if unheralded. If I concentrate and try to recall lyrics from Michael Bublé songs I can keep going for virtually minutes. Bitterballen are the quintessential Dutch food: Deep fried, cheesy and moreish. Only partly like my love-making. They also do unconvincing hot […]

Cry Me A Rivington

The problem with the Rivington Grill (http://www.rivingtongrill.co.uk/) (or RG as I call it) is the location. It’s mired in the stinking East End besieged by fleets of hipster douches with their Amish beards and artisan skateboards but far too edgy to actually go inside. No they’d prefer to suck on organic quinoa from the back […]

Alba Grill

It’s not all the Ritz and Carluccios for Charlie you know. In order to complete this quest I sometimes have to go south of the river, the East End, and North London. These are the terms of my quest by which I must abide, but hopefully I’ll never have to go to Croydon or Watford. […]

Sami’s

In restaurants where you are served chicken wings there should be an emergency button or protocol in place whereby you can alert staff to a Broken Arrow situation and the staff trigger a balloon drop of 1,000 napkins. Also places that serve lobster or gambas. Anyone who has witnessed Mrs Del Monte chow down on […]

St. Moritz

Everyone agrees that I’m pretty manly. I’m like Ernest Hemingway in a lumberjack shirt bounding across dales with a machete, chewing tobacco, conversing authoritatively about cricket and seducing women (with my eyes – there’s no physical intimacy, I remain resolutely loyal to Mrs Del Monte. But there’s no helping the dozens of females upon whom […]

Riviera Bistro

Riviera Bistro Riviera Bistro is the sort of place that I could become positively evangelical about. I could go on about supporting local trade and foregoing franchise restaurants. But if you want that fart-sniffing Guardianista crap then go and read the Telegraph or whatever. I’m here for hard truth, excoriating wit and helpful directions. But […]

Afghan Kitchen

It’s convoluted, callously cruel and entirely self-serving, but my stance on British foreign policy is developing into an aggressively expansionist posture. Look it: In the last 15 years we’ve invaded Iraq and Afghanistan, generating a huge refugee population some of whom made their way to London to open delicious restaurants. So here’s what we do: […]

San Marino

San Marino? That’s right: San chuffing Marino! Impressed? Jealous? Without boning up on Wikipedia (Mrs Del Monte dislikes me boning up around the house), here’s what I know for 100% sure about San Marino: It has probably never won Eurovision; the international football team has 11 players; and the San Mariner passport isn’t allowed through […]