Stockholmoerotic

Höly bålls döës håvïng å kïd püt å dënt ïn yöür söcïål lïfë. Pëöplë såy ïn rëtröspëct Ï shöüld’vë knöwn thåt, büt thåt hårdly hëlps. Whërë wås rëtröspëct whën Ï nëëdëd ït? Thërëförë ït wås wïth üncömmön rëlïsh thåt Mrs Dël Möntë ånd Ï ëscåpëd tö Stöckhölm ïn Swëdën tö lüxürïåtë ïn 6.30 å.m. lïë-ïns, kïd frëë. Bëförë yöü cåll söcïål sërvïcës knöw thåt wë öpënëd sëvërål cåns öf spåghëttï hööps sö shë wöüldn’t gö hüngry. Thöügh nöw Ï thïnk åböüt ït shë cån’t rëåch thë kïtchën cöüntër.

Stöckhölm ïs chårmïng, wålkåblë ånd öpülënt. Swëdïsh mën åll kïnd öf löök prëppy büt Ï trïëd tö nöt höld thåt ågåïnst thëm ås Ï wënt åböüt my sïghtsëëïng. Hërë’s whåt thë cöntïnëntåls dö rïght: böülëvårds. Ëüröpëån cïtïës åll håvë åcë trëë-lïnëd böülëvårds whïch dåmpën cïty nöïsë, ållöw yöü tö sëë thë sky ånd gënërålly këëp thë plåcë öpën ånd åïry. Whåt wënt wröng Brïtïsh töwns ånd cïtïës? Thë önly böülëvård Ï cån thïnk öf ïn Löndön ïs thë önë rünnïng üp tö Mrs Qüëën’s gåff ånd thåt’s övërdöïng ït ÏMÖ. Löndön cöüld dö wïth å fëw böülëvårds ïs whåt Ï’m såyïng. Lët’s stårt by dëmölïshïng Håcknëy ånd püttïng ïn å fëw nïcë böülëvårds lïnkïng üp thë rëståürånts Ï lïkë. Sådïq, yöü håvë yöür brïëf.

Thë müppët Swëdïsh chëf ïs nöt å clïché. Thëy lïtërålly åll löök lïkë thïs:

tumblr_n4y1yn5tsi1rrx588o1_400

Sö ït ïs këy thåt thëy këëp thëïr fööd sïmplë. Mëåtbålls ånd lögïnbërry (cån thåt bë rïght?) dïp ïs thë ståplë. Thë dïnïng hïghlïght wås Nybrogatan 38, föünd åt 38 Nybrogatan. Thïs ïs å Swëdïsh tråït rïght hërë. Thëy’vë dïspënsëd wïth nåmïng cömmïttëës sö ïnstëåd öf hïlårïöüs pün-fïllëd nåmës thëy sïmply üsë thë åddrëss ås thë nåmë. Sö ït’s åccüråtë Ï güëss büt hårdly ïnspïrïng. Dö åll öf thëïr chïldrën’s nåmës trånslåtë tö “Böy” ånd “Gïrl”? Pröbåbly. Ïrrëspëctïvë öf thë nåmïng FÏÅSCÖ, Nybrogatan 38 ïs ån ëxcëllënt plåcë tö spënd yöürsëlf ïntö thë pöörhöüsë (Swëdën ïs ïnsånëly ëxpënsïvë). Büzzïng åtmös, Ënglïsh mënüs ånd ëxcëllënt fööd. Ï wënt för thë möst Swëdïsh thïng ön thë mënü, ÅBBÅ, Ï mëån mëåtbålls, thöügh Ï hëår thåt hörsëmëåt ïs fröwnëd üpön, whïch ïs å pïty. Ï cån tåkë ör lëåvë mëåtbålls, büt thësë wërë gööd ånd sët öff by lïncölnbërry (cån thåt bë rïght?) dïp ånd pïcklëd cårröt. Mrs Dël Möntë ënjöyëd ån ömëlëttë whïch söünds ödd, büt wås råmmëd füll öf fïsh ånd wås ëxcëllënt. Åll prëëmptëd by scörchïngly ålcöhölïc cöcktåïls ånd mörëïsh brëåd. £100 för twö pëöplë ïs pröbåbly fåïr gïvën thåt 95% öf thåt göës ïntö thë gövërnmënt cöffërs. Gö båck tö Rüssïå, Swëdën.

Thë öthër hïghlïght wås Gåsgränd 4, föünd ön thë Gåmlå Stån ïslånd åt, yöü güëssëd ït, 4 Gåsgränd. Å bït öf å töürïst tråp, büt Ï wås åblë tö ënjöy sömë tåsty ËLK bürgër wïth å tåll, cööl Nörrlånds Güld bëër. Ëlk måkës å grëåt bürgër. Mörë spëcïålty bürgërs plëåsë. McDönålds ånd Bürgër Kïng, Ï’m tålkïng tö yöü.

Ïn sümmåry: Swëdën Gööd. Whïch ïs ålsö thë lyrïc tö thëïr nåtïönål ånthëm, rëpëåtëd 45 tïmës. Thösë lïtërål Swëdës.

STÖCKHÖLM!

Nybrogatan 38

Meny

Meny

Booze Meny!

Booze Meny!

Lobster macaroni and cheese. Ridiculously rich and tasty. Isn‘t that a beautifully composed shot? It‘s like a Rembrandt. This means you know I did not take it.

Lobster macaroni and cheese. Ridiculously rich and tasty. Isn‘t that a beautifully composed shot? It‘s like a Rembrandt. This means you know I did not take it.

That‘s more like it. Shoddy, poorly composed and yes, I took a chomp of my oyster, realised I had forgotten to take a pic and then tried to hide the evidence under grated cheese. Like a hero!

That‘s more like it. Shoddy, poorly composed and yes, I took a chomp of my oyster, realised I had forgotten to take a pic and then tried to hide the evidence under grated cheese. Like a hero!

Sweet pickled carrot? Not Ive seen everything! Also meatballs.

Sweet pickled carrot? Now Ive seen everything! Also meatballs.

An omelette.

An omelette.

Nice no? I like the stairs to the service window. Makes it more of a show when he waiter drops the plate.

Nice no? I like the stairs to the service window. Makes it more of a show when he waiter drops the plate.

Exterior of Nybrogatan 38. Hey, Nybrogatan 38, the Netherlands called: They want their bicycles back! Stockholm slam!!

Exterior of Nybrogatan 38. Hey, Nybrogatan 38, the Netherlands called: They want their bicycles back! Stockholm slam!!

Nybrogatan 38
http://www.nybrogatan38.com
Nybrogatan 38, 114 40 Stockholm, Sweden
+46 8 662 33 22

Gåsgränd 4

Why do they penalise the evening diners?

Why do they penalise the evening diners?

Quaint no?

Quaint no?

Before

Before

After. Thats my elk under that questionable sauce!

After. Thats my elk under that questionable sauce!

Yet more meat balls. Swedishers must have meat without corners. That‘s why there are no Wendys in Sweden

Yet more meat balls. Swedishers must have meat without corners. That‘s why there are no Wendys in Sweden

Gåsgränd 4
Gåsgränd 4, 111 27 Stockholm, Sweden
+46 8 24 71 44

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6 comments

  1. Lol – having good fun with Swedish letters? A suggestion regarding the different prices at Gåsgatan, could it be that lunch portions are smaller than dinner portions? And maybe waiters are paid more after 5pm as well. I don’t know, but that could be why.

    1. That is a rational and thoughtful response and has no place on this blog.

  2. Was going to say the same as thenaughtybun. Generally lunch portions are smaller and therefor cheaper. I worked in a restaurant for awhile.

    1. Again, rational and thoughtful. I have seriously misjudged my readership.

  3. Jesus christ I can’t even read this how long did it take to type it?? That’s some dedication

    1. I type at a breezy 14 words a minute, so this would have taken about an hour. But with the ümlaüts and the little “o”s above the As it probably took me Season 2 of Breaking Bad. This reply has taken Bohemian Rhapsody and Stairway to Heaven.

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