Czech Please!

And so to Prague for work but with a couple of chances to get some local scran into my face hole. Prague is very beautiful if a little standoffish (like your mum) in the off season. I did enjoy walking the empty cobbled streets in the evenings pretending I was one of Smiley’s spies, hands deep in my coat pockets, collar turned up to conceal my rugged features. But I couldn’t decide if I was tracking someone or if I was being trailed myself. This meant I did a lot of hovering and looked more like a homeless than a Tier 1 Asset.

There are a gazillion touristy looking restaurants, all with English menus and invariably offering the terrifying-sounding dish of Pork Knee. Pork knee sounds like a lot of things (an unpopular native American; the site of a famous battle in Vietnam; a tell tale symptom that a Jew is not eating kosher) but it does not sound like a delicious entrée. However, the pictures look intriguing and it is roasted so I might brave myself up and try it next time I’m in Czechland. Being mid-week, most places weren’t that busy and frankly a stag-do from Kidderminster might have livened the place up, but it meant service was snappy and attentive. Night 1 I tried rabbit at Malostranská Restaurace which was a cool looking venue but dead inside, with a wide screen TV showing the Czech version of Midsomer Murders (almost as riveting but without the edginess) therefore the ambiance was nil. The rabbit was fine and the bready dumplings were good for soaking up the gravy.  (Kč638, about £17)

Night 2 was more successful as I ventured out to one of Prague’s famous beer halls, U Medvidku, where Hitler used to make loads of rousing speeches. No wait, that’s Munich. Prague has famous beer halls? Prague has famous beer halls apparently. Well, I went to one and ordered some more game, boar this time which arrived as suspiciously quickly as the rabbit had the night before. Nice enough and v garlicky spinach so I was won over. You can still smoke in some establishments in Prague so here was the atmos that I had been looking for. (Kč204, about £6 and much better value than the night before).

Both meals were accompanied by a tall, cool Budwar. Czech beer is delicious, but there are repercussions which I imagine impact stag-do after stag-do. The jaundiced hoteliers of Prague sadistically taunt their oafish guests by modestly apportioning lavatory paper in the facilities and bask in the panic that echoes through their halls.

PRAHA!

MALOSTRANSKÁ RESTAURACE

The Czechs are famous for their love of circles. I like a bit of rabbit.

The Czechs are famous for their love of circles. I like a bit of rabbit.

That is a jolly big beer. The head alone was quite a mouthful (with apologies to googling perverts).

That is a jolly big beer. The head alone was quite a mouthful (with apologies to googling perverts).

Here's a menu I can respect, no prices and blunt honesty: 87. Fried Cheese. 89 Gordon Blue (apologies to googling perverts). What the heck is a roasted chicken steak?

Here’s a menu I can respect, no prices and blunt honesty: 87. Fried Cheese. 89 Gordon Blue (apologies to googling perverts). What the heck is a roasted chicken steak?

I know it's a bad photo, but think about this way. If that light wasn't flaring in the picture there would be more picture to be disappointed by.

I know it’s a bad photo, but think about this way. If that light wasn’t flaring in the picture there would be more picture to be disappointed by.

It looks quiet welcoming, no?

It looks quiet welcoming, no?

Malostranská Restaurace
Karmelitská 373/25
118 00
Prague
Czech Republic
Tel: +420 257 531 418

U MEDVIDKU

Again with the circles. The boar was a bit gristly, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. You can really pretend you're in one of the high-end gulags, gratefully gorging on boar rind.

Again with the circles. The boar was a bit gristly, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You can really pretend you’re in one of the high-end gulags, gratefully gorging on boar rind.

A lovely glass of Budwar and visible in the background a barman's gut pours sensuously over his waistband. And into my heart.

A lovely glass of Budwar and visible in the background a barman’s gut pours sensuously over his waistband. And into my heart.

Mad for their game apparently, but sadly there was no venison to be had, the liars. Also, I love the orderly menu. More menus should be like this.

Mad for their game apparently, but sadly there was no venison to be had, the liars. Also, I love the orderly menu. More menus should be like this.

And there's more behind. It does look a little bit like an abandoned sewing machine assembly plant. But when busier I'm sure it oozes ambiance.

And there’s more behind. It does look a little bit like an abandoned sewing machine assembly plant. But when busier I’m sure it oozes ambiance.

It's actually a lot bigger than this.

It’s actually a lot bigger than this.

U Medvidku Beer Hall and Restaurant
Na Perstyne 7
Pr 1
Prague
Czech Republic
Tel: +420 224 211 916
http://www.umedvidku.cz/

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