Nordic Bakery

I bet you thought I was quitting didn’t you? I bet you thought: “That Charlie Del Monte, yes he’s brainy and dead clever and has an ass that simply refuses to quit, but now he’s started being a dad, his amazing blog that basically saved the internet is all but finished.” First off, stop objectifying my ass. Everyone know my best feature is my genital. Secondly, I’ve never quit anything apart from that time I stopped giving up being short-sighted. As if to prove my point … well, to exactly prove my point, me, Mrs Del Monte and little Vengeance went to the Nordic Bakery (http://www.nordicbakery.com/) on Golden Square, named for the crisps. I’m counting Nordic Bakery as Norway because, hello, gravadlax and Jarlsberg.

It’s nearly a year to the week that me and Mrs Del Monte enjoyed NYE in Oslo where we ate terribly well though we are still heavily in debt for some £40 smørbrøds. So perhaps it’s fitting that we visited a little corner of Norway. It’s certainly feeling Nordy with pine panelling, low lighting and relentless A-ha on the radio. The only spoiler were the ranks of Soho marketing douches choking up the place, creating Weetabix yoghurt or Activia spaghetti or whatever hybrid product of an existing brand is meant to wow us in 2015.

First impressions of the food were unencouraging. Or discouraging. The “sandwiches” were tiny looking, made of unappealing dark biscuits of bread. But we’d travelled all that way and were hungry so persevered. Me opting for the Gravadlax (£4.40 if you please for Cured salmon with cucumber on dark rye bread. Served with mustard and dill dressing) and MDM (Mrs Del Monte – it’s just quicker. Apart from this time) selecting Cheese and pickle (£3.80 Jarlsberg cheese and pickled gherkins on dark rye bread). Second impressions were worse. The bread is so dry all moisture was extracted from my body via a powerful capillary action. It’s a well known fact that Norwegian rye bread is excellent for mopping up oil spills and lakes. But what was this? … I was starting to enjoy it. As I bravely continued to masticate and replace my lost fluids, the bread became a pleasurable experience and the flavour of the gravadlax started to take hold. And though it looked tiny it was jolly filling. Third impressions saved the day.

£10.40 for lunch with a cinnamon bun for afters.

NORGE!

They just look like little biscuits don't they?

They just look like little biscuits don’t they?

The filth the girl on the left was talking at the guy on the right renders Mrs Del Monte temporarily incapable of eating.

The filth that the girl on the left was hissing at the guy on the right renders Mrs Del Monte, I mean MDM, temporarily incapable of eating.

That's a a nice spread. I just had a flashback to my time as a scout!

That’s a a nice spread. I just had a flashback to my time as a scout!

That's an infant on my front, not my partially resorbed twin. He's stuck on my ass (not pictured).

That’s an infant on my front, not my partially resorbed, conjoined twin. He’s stuck on my ass (not pictured).

the big board norway

Nordic Bakery
14a Golden Square
Soho
London
W1F 9JG
Tel: 020 3230 1077
http://www.nordicbakery.com/

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