You can now all breath easy. The Del Monte legacy remains divinely protected due to the arrival of my progeny: Vengeance Del Monte. She burst onto the scene in a crossfire hurricane, guns blazing, and she’s already kicking ass and taking names. Cross her at your peril and pray for a benevolent reign for when she seizes power her justice will be swift and merciless. Prostrate yeselves and be humble. I shall model her upbringing on that of Uday and Qusay Hussein. They just lacked ambition. Also, I might be blogging less as a newborn is hardly conducive to far flung exploits and unreliable scran.

Hold on a sec – that baby has no beard! How do I know if it’s even mine?