Sami’s

In restaurants where you are served chicken wings there should be an emergency button or protocol in place whereby you can alert staff to a Broken Arrow situation and the staff trigger a balloon drop of 1,000 napkins. Also places that serve lobster or gambas. Anyone who has witnessed Mrs Del Monte chow down on finger food knows what I mean. Her eyes roll back into her head and she gets to frenzied noshing until she comes to a few seconds later surrounded by carcasses and with no memory of what just happened. Much like when she went to watch the Harlequins that time. Though now I think of it they don’t normally play matches on a Monday lunchtime. Odd.

There was an undeniable Broken Arrow scenario at Sami’s (http://samisrestaurant.co.uk/) last night. When you have to ask the waitresses for napkins twice you know you’ve gone over board. Me, I’ve got a huge gob so it’s never really an issue. And any food lucky enough to avoid my mouth inevitably gets caught up in the beard and I’ll find it later. There’s no escape. Preceding the wings and my (award winning) shawarma, we had more identifiably Jewish/Israeli food. I’m keen to avoid irritating cultural sensitivities (that’s why I avoid talking about the rancid Swedes) so I’m going to state clearly that I’m not certain if Jewish means Israeli and vice versa with regards to the food. For the purposes of the blog I’m going to conflate the two terms, but I’m happy to be corrected / enlightened.  I will then take time to carefully enlighten you that just because I don’t care it doesn’t mean I don’t understand. My guess is that you’ll find kniedalach and krepalach in down town Tel Aviv same as I did in Golders Green. Also, the menu promotes Israeli Salad and for me that is definitive proof. Everyone happy? Send your complaints to me (Address: Lexdrum House, King Charles Business Park, Newton Abbot, Devon TQ12 6UT c/o Mrs N. Farage).

The Kniedalach and Krepalach were served in a scalding thin chick noodle soup which we both burned our mouths on. Very nice and I was impressed that the Kniedalach (Matzo balls) didn’t disintegrate. The Krepalach kind of reminded me of pierogi, but the meaty filling was quite mealy. Both nice and filling, but the star of the show was the shawarma which came in a pitta with their suggestions of aubergine sauce, Tabuleh and Humus. Good, efficient service and £34 for two people with one beer and including service. The beer was Stella and I’m guessing there would be an Israeli beer they could serve, but Sami’s not playing on it’s nationality that way so I wasn’t too disappointed. Not like I was by Catching Fire. When are Peeta and Gale going to get together?

Honey & Co on Warren Street also comes highly recommended.

دولة إِسرائيل !מְדִינַת יִשְׂרָאֵל!

Peach juice emblazoned with even more authentic jewish-style Hebrew. I think I've made my point.

Peach juice emblazoned with even more authentic jewish-style Hebrew. I think I’ve made my point.

Those are Matzo balls. Ah, the majestic Matzo striding gracefully across the plains of Galilee. We've eaten your balls.

Those are Matzo balls. Ah, the majestic Matzo striding gracefully across the plains of Galilee. We’ve eaten your balls.

The same scalding soup but this time with dumplings. How many times have you heard that?

The same scalding soup but this time with dumplings. How many times have you heard that? And look: 5 chunks of carrot. That’s my five-a-day sorted.

The wings. Little did they know what was coming. The chicken (with 3 wings apparently) had premonitions. It was always more wary than the other chickens, twitchy, looking over its shoulder, psychically aware that something terrible was coming. In any other situation what Mrs Del Monte did would've been a war crime and she'd be cellmates with Ratko Mladić.

The wings. Little did they know what was coming. The chicken (with 3 wings apparently) had premonitions. It was always more wary than the other chickens, twitchy, looking over its shoulder, psychically aware that something terrible was coming. In any other situation what Mrs Del Monte did would’ve been a war crime and she’d be cellmates with Ratko Mladić.

Mrs Del Monte has no recollection of this.

Mrs Del Monte has no recollection of this.

My Shawarma. It kind of reminds me of Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors. Feed (on) Me Charlie! Feed (on) me now! You're fudging well gosh darn sure I will.

My Shawarma. It kind of reminds me of Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors. Feed (on) Me Charlie! Feed (on) me now! You’re fudging well gosh darn sure I will.

Me, however, I remember every delicious instant.

Me, however, I remember every delicious instant.

A little bit lacking in atmos, but clean and busy.

A little bit lacking in atmos, but clean and busy.

Authentic? What does the Hebrew on the top left of the sign tell you? I'm literally asking, I have no idea.

Authentic? What does the Hebrew on the top left of the sign tell you? I’m literally asking, I have no idea.

The menu. Not pictured: The other side offering Spag Bol, Goulash and Chicken Schnitzel - something for nearly everyone. I could've ticked off about 10 countries in Sami's alone.

The menu. Not pictured: The other side offering Spag Bol, Goulash and Chicken Schnitzel – something for nearly everyone. I could’ve ticked off about 10 countries in Sami’s alone.

the big board israel

Sami’s
118 Golders Green Road
London
NW11 8HB
Tel: 020 8458 7003
http://samisrestaurant.co.uk/

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