St. Moritz

Everyone agrees that I’m pretty manly. I’m like Ernest Hemingway in a lumberjack shirt bounding across dales with a machete, chewing tobacco, conversing authoritatively about cricket and seducing women (with my eyes – there’s no physical intimacy, I remain resolutely loyal to Mrs Del Monte. But there’s no helping the dozens of females upon whom my gaze alights, even fleetingly, and are bewitched. The ladies: I am like honey to them). But sometimes I do like to kick back and enjoy a Slow Comfortable Screw Against The Wall and catch up on the gossip with the lads. Shamefully, I’ve not been keeping up with Made in Chelsea. I can’t believe Gabriella just showed up like that out of nowhere after all this time!!!

Headissimo, Monty and myself met up at Milk & Honey (http://www.mlkhny.com/) for pre-supper cocktails and enjoyed a variety of tipples. The staff don’t generally like you asking after their tipples, but if you tip generously they forgive. Though we didn’t and they didn’t.

Then onto St Moritz (http://www.stmoritz-restaurant.co.uk/) for some Fondue. I don’t care what spellcheck says, I’m pretty sure it’s fondu. Unlike their rancid chocolate, fondu is something the Swiss have a flair for. Because we weren’t at a 70’s key party, we sidestepped the cheese fondu and went for the Fondu Bourguignonne: cubes of beef in hot oil (also the name and strapline of my all-male dancing troupe). The beef was excellent quality and the array of dips was baffling. They should have little flags in them or something. I don’t think garlic dip should be green. Accompanied by some indifferent Swiss white wine (I have enjoyed some excellent Swiss wine) and a tall, cool Swiss Mountain beer, it was £150 for 3. I can’t remember if that included service. I’d go back because I want to try the cheese fondu – the muscular scent with which the whole place hummed.

SCHWEIZ! SUISSE! SVIZZERA! SVIZRA!

That's a big salad. They had every reason to add "special sauce" but my hope is that they didn't.

That’s a big salad. They had every reason to add “special sauce” but my hope is that they didn’t.

Rosti. Doesn't get more Swiss than that.

Rosti. Doesn’t get more Swiss than that.

Action shot of beef cube being huzzed into a pot of boiling oil. The inquisition used to execute people by boiling them in oil. But perhaps they were just after some of that sweet, sweet fondue.

Action shot of beef cube being huzzed into a pot of boiling oil. The inquisition used to execute people by boiling them in oil. But perhaps they were just after some of that sweet, sweet fondu.

Beef cubes.

Beef cubes.

That's an impressive collection of dips! My urologist says much the same to me during our weekly appointments.

That’s an impressive collection of dips! My urologist says much the same to me during our weekly appointments.

Genuine Swiss beer. Look, it says it on the bottle.

Genuine Swiss beer. Look, it says it on the bottle.

Le menu. Das MENU. Di menu. What's romansch for menu? Good luck reading that suckers.

Le menu. Das MENU. Di menu. What’s romansch for menu? Good luck reading that suckers.

That's a big pipe.  My urologist says much the same to me during our weekly appointments.

That’s a big pipe. My urologist says much the same to me during our weekly appointments.

A little piece of Switzerland in Soho.

A little piece of Switzerland in Soho.

the big board switzerland
St.Moritz
161 Wardour Street
London
W1F 8WJ
Tel: 0207 734 3324
http://www.stmoritz-restaurant.co.uk/

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