You think you know who your friends are. You lavish them with your wisdom, witticisms and aesthetic qualities (everyone knows I’m a stone cold milf*) and how do they pay you back? They slack off. Well, I’ll remember this Knockers. I have to travel for a few days and what do you do? You don’t blog. You’d better have a jolly, bloody good reason.
* The M stands for man.
So while Knockers has been lollygagging, I’ve been roaming to foreign climes and bravely eating their foreign nosh. We begin in the UAE:
Busy as I was I didn’t make it out to the souk for some proper middle eastern scran, so the only point of note was Spice Island, a restaurant in the Crown Plaza hotel. It offers a buffet supper with morsels from Italy, Japan, Mexico, India, Mongolia, China, Vietnam etc. You basically have to pace yourself to eat something from everything. It’s all tasty fayre and you want to keep on going until it hurts, but it does lack a little soul. A 200+ item buffet is something to behold, but it felt like I was the plus 1 at the wedding of the daughter of the chairman of the Sumitomo corporation in 1988. Without karaoke.
Pro tip Spice Island: rename yourself Spicy Island.
Crowne Plaza Dubai – Deira
United Arab Emirates
L’Auberge de Savièse
A short trip to Geneva was blighted by a head cold, so I missed out on the opportunity to visit Le Relais de L’Entrecôte (http://www.relaisentrecote.fr/), which has an outlet in Geneva. But I did manfully struggle out to L’Auberge de Savièse (http://www.aubergedesaviese.ch/) and enjoyed an Assiette Valaisanne (mixed ham) and raclette. It was tasty enough, but I was impressed mostly by the pageantry of service that you get in Europe. Look at the picture and tell me they haven’t gone a little overboard for a table for one. I now feel bad for saying “Er foreign food, er, that’s disgusting, er, get me some egg and chips and a coke you funny talking foreigns.”
L’Auberge de Savièse
Auberge de Savièse
20 rue des Pâquis
Tel: +41 22 732 83 30
The highlight of my travels by a country mile was Italia. I blend in with latin types with their passion, expressive hand-gestures and pliable relationship with tax authorities (only kidding HMRC, my affairs are in order). That I burn like ginger, I’m a fitful coeliac and do not understand foreigns when they make noises through their face holes makes all travel very stressful, but in Italy I fit right in.
Montagna Verde (http://www.montagnaverde.it/) is an Agriturismo which basically means a restaurant on an invisible farm, where me and others were invited to celebrate the union of our chums Disco and Mrs Disco. The feast was bountious but somehow I managed to make it to the end and tasted every dish – this is how you do it Mr Sumitomo-san. How the Italians can put it away in such quantities and still maintain the lithe bearing of a Berlusconi is beyond me. Though I suppose he needs the energy to plough through an entire generation of adolescent Moroccan heartstealers. We salute you Silvio and your battle-shy gourmet compatriots.
Agriturismo Montagna Verde
Via Apella 1, 54016
Licciana Nardi (MS)
Tel: +39 0187421203