I’m taking my one man tour around Asia for the next few days. Mr Jazz the Funky Rock ‘n’ Roll Cowboy draws audiences from mile around and despite being universally despised garners very positive reviews (thanks mum!).

This is basically me in costume but I’m even easier on the eye than Redford in his 70’s heyday. Or hayday. Or heighdeigh.

Point is your cherished Del Monte is going to be quieter than usual. I’m hoping Knockers will keep you diverted in my absence, but who am I kidding? Who wants rubbish methadone after the sweet, sweet rush of smack?

REDFORD! (Not suggesting he’s a junkie)