To celebrate 50 nations conquered by my tummy, I thought I would undertake a retrospective of what has quickly become the hallmark of Restaurants of the World Unite. The pithy reviews? No. The useful information? No. The witty back-and-forths with my commenters? Hardly. No, what is truely the trademark of this blog is the photography. The pitifully inept photography. There is no error too amateurish, no oversight too sophmoric that I have not made. Over and over again.
So to dishonour the many restaurants that I have favoured with my custom and humiliated with my opposite-of-talent, take a look at this rogue’s gallery of ineptitude, cack-handedness and over-exposure. And bear in mind, these are the photos I deemed good enough to get to the blog. Apple have served with me with a court injunction preventing me from posting the others lest they are forced to withdraw the iPhone5 from circulation.
APPLEOGIES!
LIGHTING (Yes there are enough photos to warrant categorisation)
Where to start? Apologies Malina.
OK, it’s Caprice, so it’s going to be delicious. But can we be sure that I’m not doing them a favour by not showing too much detail?
Dehesa deserves better than this.
FOCUS (Foc all of us)
There’s a lot wrong with this picture from Sakura. Composition, angle, etc. But we can all agree that given I had plenty of time and good lighting there’s no excuse to not be able to focus on the main dish.
Right in front of me. These dumplings from Mimino were hardly a moving target.
It was pathetic before. But now it’s getting really pathetic. No excuse Gilak.
Someone had even thoughtfully put the dish under my nose, but I couldn’t keep my sh*t together. Still, it reflected the (truly awful) quality of the food from Royal China.
To be fair, I was not predisposed to like nor promote Om Ali from Ali Baba.
Is this the nadir? Pepe Anca.
No this is. Taiwan Village.
To be fair, I don’t think there’s much quality photography occurring in Austrian basements.
This is quite recent. As you can see, no improvement in Madrid.
UNREADABLE MENU (Just in case the blog could be useful)
Really, what’s the point? Pho.
I can probably be sued on environmental lines due to the waste of electricity this represents. Pico.
Compounding the futility of the above picture, here’s the other page of the menu.
CAMERA STRAIGHT? NO (Screw you spirit levels/vestibular system)
Indian Zing is not on a hill.
There was no earthquake in Tinseltown.
I was not on a river, just in a River Cafe.
Maceiras was on a hill, but I overcompensated.
TIMING! (Ate too soon then snapped)
No one can blame me for doing this in Pearl Liang.
At last, a sight as grizzly as my photography. Sarchnar.
I was just really hungry I think. O Minhoto.
No photograph would have been better than this photograph. I’m sorry Tayyabs.
COMPOSITION (And lack of composure)
Like how I’ve focused on the rice? That’s the important thing, not the exotic dish in the background. Kathamandu Inn.
Again, I insist on having the rice dominate the picture. Gilak.
REFLECTION (The flash isn’t helping. Unlike its superhero namesake. He’s very helpful.)
Good luck reading those hot appetisers. Mimino.
There is a void between Grill and Salads. Much like in life. Guanabana.
Yikes! That’s blinding. Andres DC.
THUMBS (Middle finger)
I did take this picture. Can you tell? It’s the lighting isn’t it. I know, I know. It’s just not my thing. Vine Leaves Taverna.
I’m available for weddings, funerals, bar mitzvahs, jihads. Really available. Literally no one has booked me. Brackenbury Restaurant.
