Oslo Witted

Becåuse I håve too much money, Mrs Del Monte decided we should go to Stockholm for New Yeårs but we couldn’t åfford the flights so we went to Oslo insteåd, where the men look like fåiled novelists, the women look like cåtålogue models ånd the beer costs £8 å pint.

I know little åbout Noggie (“thåt’s our word!”) cuisine I know sure ås snot thåt the notion of brown cheese is repellent. Not for åny good reåson you understånd just … euh … it’s brown. But thåt misstep åside, they know their meåt ånd fish. On my låst trip to Norwåy I åte ån Olympic quåntity of reindeer ånd wås eåger to get my chops åround Rudolph ånd his boringly nosed siblings. For this we went to Olympen (http://www.olympen.no/) ån old beer håll which håd å febrile åtmosphere, wood pånelling, red felt curtåins ånd chåndeliers thåt cån only be risked in å non-eårthquåke zone. You cån imågine sociålists conspiring to råise ålcohol duty or expånd single-påyer heålth cåre ånd probåbly reåching å broåd consensus very quickly. The reindeer wås tender ånd ålmost nutty in flåvour. Mrs Del Monte åte cod in båcon (coåted in thyme – å novelty for me) ånd cåper såuce which wås ån åwesome combo reminding me of something similår in Colombiå. At 650kr this wås ås close to å reåsonåbly priced meål ås we got in Oslo.

Hålvorson Conditori in the centre offered smørbrøds åt nipple-twisting prices but were nice enough ånd offered tråditionål ånd historic environs in which to eåt ånd weep over your empty wållet.

The åreå åround Olåv Ryes Plåss offered å våriety of bårs ånd reståurånts giving the åreå å somewhat Bohemiån feel. Supper åt Villå Pårådiso (http://www.villaparadiso.no/) wås å reål experience ånd måybe the best pizzå I’ve håd. After å reål båttle to choose, we opted for the Guånciå (guånciåle, fennel, pecorino, chilli ånd pårsley) ånd the Cåvolini di Bruxelles (wild boar sålåmi, Brussels sprouts, pecorino ånd chilli). I’ve heård of brussel sprouts being åpplied to pizzå before but never did I dreåm thåt the legends were true. It worked like å treåt combining with the wild boår sensåtionålly. So I heår. Mrs Del Monte ståbbed the båck of my hånd with å fork when I gråbbed for å slice. I’ve just been reminded thåt Mrs Del Monte did in fåct shåre (ånd got å hånd-forking thåt I won’t forget in å hurry). At 646kr å bit much but I håve no regrets (åpårt from thåt one regret).

New Yeårs Eve in Oslo is not to be to sniffed åt. It’s båsicålly å united 500,000 person åssåult on the nerves of household pets with ån obscene åmount of fireworks. Close your eyes åt midnight ånd you måy ås well be at the Tet Offensive (Topical!).

ØSLØ!

OLYMPEN

Bacon and Cod. Nobel prize them right quick!

Bacon and Cod. Nobel prize them right quick!

I think they serve the reindeer pink to make you feel pity. No such luck Prancer.

I think they serve the reindeer pink to make you feel pity. No such luck Prancer.

She's looking mighty be pleased with herself. So would you be.

She’s looking mighty be pleased with herself. So would you be.

The Norwegian for menu is meny. Classic.

The Norwegian for menu is meny. Classic.

Norwegian brewed beer meny.

Norwegian brewed beer meny.

My that's a high ceiling.

My that’s a high ceiling.

Oh look. Its next to a strip club. How did that get there?

Oh look. Its next to a strip club. How did that get there?

Olympen
Grønlandsleiret 15
0190 Oslo, Norge
Tel: +47 24 10 19 99
http://www.olympen.no/

HALVORSENS CONDITORI

Smørbrød. I cannot takes those "Ø"s seriously.

Smørbrød. I cannot takes those “Ø”s seriously.

Mores smørbrøds. On the left burger and on the right smoked fish, crayfish and scrambled egg. Very nice thank you and worth every ounce of the kidney I sold to pay for them.

Mores smørbrøds. On the left burger and on the right smoked fish, crayfish and scrambled egg. Very nice thank you and worth every ounce of the kidney I sold to pay for them.

The Norwegian black-market organ trade pays for virtually all of their baked goods. Poor blighters.

The Norwegian black-market organ trade pays for virtually all of their baked goods. Poor blighters.

Charming no?

Charming no?

Halvorsens Conditori
Prinsens gate 26
0157 Oslo, Norge
Tel: +47 22 42 40 22

VILLA PARADISO

Guancia. I could write Tolkenien poems about this pizza. Ahem. ♪ Yeay didst the Del Monte snaffleth the lowly pizza? ♫ Not halfling! ♪ Didst he lick the plate til the customers their stomach did turn? ♫ Not halfling! ♪ Didst Del Monte get shredded fennel stuck in his mighty beard to cause the waitress to yack? ♫ Not halfling! ♪ Peter Jackson, it's not too late to put me in the Hobbit 3: The Hobbiting.

Guancia. I could write Tolkenien poems about this pizza. Ahem. ♪ Yeay, didst the Del Monte snaffleth the lowly pizza? ♫ Not halfling! ♪ Didst he lick the plate til the customers their stomachs did turn? ♫ Not halfling! ♪ Didst Del Monte get shredded fennel stuck in his mighty beard to cause the waitress to yack? ♫ Not halfling! ♪ Peter Jackson, it’s not too late to put me in the Hobbit 3: The Hobbiting.

Brussels sprouts on a pizza? Now I've seen everything.

Brussels sprouts on a pizza? Now I’ve seen everything.

Pizza Meny. This won't get old.

Pizza Meny. This won’t get old.

The Del Monte photography masterclass continues. Aimless composition? Check! A few degrees off hoizontal? Check! Inept lighting? Check! You guys are learning so much from me I should put this website behind a paywall.

The Del Monte photography masterclass continues. Aimless composition? Check! A few degrees off hoizontal? Check! Inept lighting? Check! You guys are learning so much from me I should put this website behind a paywall.

Here's a woman who gets taken to paradise every time (we go to a restaurant called Paradise).

Here’s a woman who gets taken to paradise every time (we go to a restaurant called Paradise).

Villa Paradiso
Olaf Ryes plass 8
0552 Oslo, Norge
Tel: +47 22 35 40 60
http://www.villaparadiso.no/

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One comment

  1. How fun! Villa Paradiso does the indeed have the best pizza in Oslo, and Halvorsens is no more I’m afraid. They are refurbishing the whole building, so they were forced to close. They had to close for three years, and I doubt they’ll reopen, unfortunately. It’s a shame, they’d been there 135 years…

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