Cry Me A River Cafe

We (me, Mrs Del Monte, Dangles, Mancake, Mama Del Monte and Endeavour Del Monte (a.k.a. Pops)) held our annual board meeting at the River Cafe (http://www.rivercafe.co.uk/) where we reviewed the accounts, talked promotion (my sister Dangles still angling for the promotion to Son) and plotted the downfall of the Del Muntes those toxic bottom-feeding, mouth-breathing swines. They think they’re so big, but you know what, they’re not.

I’ll let the pictures do the talking – the food is excellent and eye-wateringly expensive. We were packed in like sardines along with virtually every cast member from Made In Chelsea with their nicely pressed shirts, jumpers over the shoulder and pastel chinos. No jury in the land would have convicted me of going postal. The service was attentive and everything arrived in quick succession. Special mention to the hare pappardelle and the lamb. I don’t know how the Italians can pack it away with antipasti, primi and secondi. But I didn’t need supper or breakfast the next day. Perhaps that’s the Italian secret. That and whatever happened in the Da Vinci Code. Did they ever find Da Vinci? The point is either go for anti pasti + primi/secondi or primi + secondi. All three is folly. Unless the it is a real Italian restaurant and comes complete with vomitorium, then you can park your custard between courses guilt free. Helpful hint: never Google image search the word vomitorium. You can’t unsee that stuff.

VOMITORIUM!

Calamari - colourful no?

Calamari – colourful no?

Panzotti di Zucca. I love casually presented food. There is no hint of pretension here.

Panzotti di Zucca. I love casually presented food. There is no hint of pretension here.

Risotto always looks boring, but this was delicious.

Risotto always looks boring, but this was delicious.

Spaghetti with Red Mullet. I loved him with Ginger Rogers.

Spaghetti with Red Mullet. I loved him with Ginger Rogers.

Hare pappardelle. Amazing.

Hare pappardelle. Amazing.

Pasta and beans. Much nicer that it sounds.

Pasta and beans. Much nicer that it sounds.

About as tender as lamb gets.

About as tender as lamb gets.

Monkfish crawling with clams.

Monkfish crawling with clams.

Turbot with Trevise. I have no idea what Trevise is but I ate it.

Turbot with Trevise. I have no idea what Trevise is but I ate it.

Some kind of tart.

Some kind of tart.

Some kind of pie.

Some kind of pie.

Some kind of cake.

Some kind of cake.

Some kind of cheese.

Some kind of cheese.

It's like the refectory deck of the enterprise. McCoy is probably at the bar swigging Romulan Ale and moaning about Spock's B.O.

It’s like the refectory deck of the enterprise. McCoy is probably at the bar swigging Romulan Ale and moaning about Spock’s B.O.

Le menu. Do not look at prices if you want to not swoon.

Le menu. Do not look at prices if you want to not swoon.

Thames Wharf
Rainville Road
London
W6 9HA
Tel: 0207 386 4200
http://www.rivercafe.co.uk/

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