[I have not travelled to L.A., no Vishnu has not smiled on me. However, my collaborator Knockers is there right now and has visited a favourite haunt of ours. So over to her. But remember who the daddy is. I’m not above murder.]
When I’m on Death Row for dissolving Barry Scott in a vat of Cillit Bang, the time will come when I’m asked to choose my last supper. I already know my answer: “Nothing, thank you.” I mean honestly, who can actually eat with their execution imminent? However, on the days when Mr Liebermann feels optimistic about our latest appeal for clemency, I might take time out from my chin-ups and PHD to get stuck into some tucker. And that tucker, my friend’s friends, will be Umami Burger (http://www.umami.com).
Despite his facial hair, Del Monte makes some excellent food-based observations; often revisiting them hours later in a game he calls ‘Beard Roulette’. Recently, he lamented the restaurant industry’s ubiquitous claim to offer the world’s best burger, with which I agree. There was only one man who had the credentials to verify that claim, and he died when his cat jumped out of a thigh-crease and startled the crane driver winching him to hospital. So I won’t claim that Umami Burger is the best burger in the world, I will simply say this: it’s the best meat I’ve ever put in my mouth.
There’s more than one loco (that’s Four Tops for location) but my Umami-of-choice is on North Cahuenga Boulevard tucked behind a Jack in Box, which provides the novel experience of passing the Gates of Hell on the way to Burger Heaven. And many Los Angelites agree. If your face is botox-free enough to stretch round a burger, then you’ve probably gnawed on something unctuous, infused with Umami Master Sauce. I went for The Original and a side of salty fries, washed down with a tall, cool Redhook Longhammer. $17.99 with free WIFI and the omnipresent promise of headshots-on-demand.
1520 North Cahuenga Boulevard
Tel: +1 323 469 3100