The more astute among you (and therefore more sexually attractive) will have divined that your virile correspondant is on the cusp of marital coupling to the future Mrs Del Monte. She has indeed rendered all other females obselete, so bad luck ladies. Stand aside Nicki Minja. Back off Nicole from the 90’s Renault adverts. Get bent my art teacher from 4th year. Jog on Louise Mensch. Pipe down Dana International. Flattered, but about to be spoken for.

I bowed to tradition and allowed my compadres to take my breath away in Berlin. All manner of hijinks ensued and I was naturally the toast of the evening. Every bozo thinks their friends are the best, however no one but no one can undertake a round-robin Scrabble marathon like my homeboys.

Aside from the culture, nightlife, museums and history, Berlin happens to be an excellent place to eat as well. This time was no different.

First mention goes to Restaurant Asador (, not particularly German, but they do great steak and they sound so much better in German: Das Steakhause in Berlin Mitte. German is a highly sexualised language and even saying that out loud has me pinching my nipples.

Our recovery breakfast was in Oranium ( the meals look amazing and certainly welcome, but delivery was achingly slow causing not a few tantrums and even some tears amongst the assembled host.

Highlights from my previous tour to Berlin included the food court at the top of KaDeWe ( – a superfluity of fabulous restaurants; and the crowning glory, Nansen ( Wholesome German country cooking with an avant-garde flair. Be prepared to not understand or be understood, but our waitress bravely attempted to translate the menu of the day. The atmosphere was intoxicating and the meal was exceptional (though I recall only the deer neck salad – it was over a year ago).

Yet to tick Deutschland off on the ROTWU schedule, but I’m all the more hungry to wrap my lips around some hot German Wurst!


Gobbling down on Kochstraße

Gobbling down on Kochstraße

These is as complicated as breakfast gets.

This is as complicated as breakfast gets.

Restaurant Asador
Wilhelmstrasse 22
10963 Berlin
Tel: +49 30 2593 ext. 1818

Oranienburger Straße 33-34
10117 Berlin
Tel: +49 30 30882967

Maybachufer 39
12047 Berlin
Tel: +49 030 66 30 14 38


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