[Full disclosure: This was a birthday gift from my sister and back-up organ donor, Dangles Del Monte, and her Mancake who is in the business. If it had been a can of expired cat food with a candle in it, I would have high-fived the waiter. They went one better.] I’ve long extolled the many […]

[Cripes alorky! Everyone look busy. In a first for this blog, Mrs Del Monte is putting pen to paper. Mind your Ps and Qs, tuck your shirt in, tie your laces, drag a comb through your hair, push the outie belly button in. Chin up, chest out. If she asks, I blog every day, dutifully, […]

Lemongrass Restaurant claims to be the only Cambodian restaurant in the UK. A bold claim that I can’t be bothered to fact check but am going to assume is wrong unless everyone accepts my equally staggering counter claim: Charlie Del Monte is the greatest love machine in Cambodia. We cool? Nestled in the heart of […]

[Once again, I’ve outsourced a blog to Knockers. She’s like my own private Bangalore. Which might explain the terrific bangers. That’s a word used by Gok Wan. I don’t normally use Gok Wan as a cultural touchstone, but fatherhood and onanism have changed me.] As we all know, the first rule of Epicureanism is that […]

Höly bålls döës håvïng å kïd püt å dënt ïn yöür söcïål lïfë. Pëöplë såy ïn rëtröspëct Ï shöüld’vë knöwn thåt, büt thåt hårdly hëlps. Whërë wås rëtröspëct whën Ï nëëdëd ït? Thërëförë ït wås wïth üncömmön rëlïsh thåt Mrs Dël Möntë ånd Ï ëscåpëd tö Stöckhölm ïn Swëdën tö lüxürïåtë ïn 6.30 å.m. lïë-ïns, […]

[I was there and I don’t remember any of this.] “Size doesn’t matter.” “The best things come in small packages.” “It’s not how big it is, it’s what you do with it that counts.” “That’s not where that goes, Charlie.” All things that Del Monte has heard many times and each of them entirely untrue. […]

And you thought I’d died. I was here all along. Well, not here here. But you know. Here. As well you know, I have few opportunities to dine out these days as I spend every waking moment training Vengeance to be a Ninja. If it’s Ninja to approximate a Cleveland Steamer on Daddy’s chest, then […]